Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
