fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
