Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
