Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
