I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
