He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
