plz talk dirty to me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
