If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
