Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
