i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it was like eating out sand paper
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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