he shaved USA in his pubs
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
