This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
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