I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
