Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
