am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
