So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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