I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
