Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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