I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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