She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
