It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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