that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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