mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You may now shotgun with the bride
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
