man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
