no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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