Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
