Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
