whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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