I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
