wanna go halves on a baby?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
