I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Randomize
