my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
