dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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