Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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