so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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