Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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