That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
