I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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