Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
