Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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