I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
