Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
