theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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