So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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