need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
