shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
