At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
