cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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