...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
