he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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