That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
