Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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